“We had sex 360 days out of the year. It was more times than that.”—Wife.
- belle
- 7 months ago
- featured-post, Newest, Uncategorized
- 51 Comments
So here’s the great -and odd and occasionally troubling- thing about being a dating and relationship coach: people you know and don’t know love to pull you aside in unexpected settings and tell you their business. They think you’ve heard it all before so nothing should shock you OR they know you’ve heard a lot and they want to shock you.
I consider most of what they say in these conversations off-limits to write about because even if it’s free advice and I’m not using names, I’m being solicited in the capacity of a coach. I draw a line at discussing private client business.
Anyway, the story I’m telling today isn’t from a client, but from a cousin and his wife, so I guess it’s cousins plural.
When I was a kid, I lived in Houston for a few years. A family- who actually turned out to be blood- sort of adopted me and my folks in their city. There was a daughter and three younger brothers. The two youngest sibs were around my age and I spent the most time with them. The two older sibs- 8-10 years our senior-made sure we didn’t kill ourselves. The daughter was my baby sitter.
So I go to Houston, which I haven’t been to since I was 16- as part of OraQuick + Essence’s healthy relationships tour. I’m only in town for a day and ask my family to stop by my hotel to say “hi.” We don’t have much time together, so after we catch up and take a few pics, the eldest boy, my “Cousin-brother”, offers to take me to the airport since he and his wife live out that way anyway. Perfect.
I’m thinking this will be a “normal” ride where people who have known me forever tease me about all the dumb ish I did as a kid. But nooooo! Cuzzo and his wife have other plans for this 45-minute trek.
It starts when we pull out of the parking lot and he says, “so who this n—-a you fixxinta marry, D?” And then everything goes hilariously left from there.
Cousin-brother and his wife are in their 40s and have two children together. They’ve been together 22 years and married for 14. They are joyously happy in their relationship- my assessment, not their boasting- and they want to offer me some marriage advice. Great.
After the curveball, the conversation starts easy enough. Cousin-brother says you never stop dating your wife. They’re married, but they make a point to act like boyfriend and girlfriend.
Okay. I’ve heard that before. I can get with that.
He says that’s how couples keep the romance going. That, and having sex every day.
“I’m sorry, what?” I ask. I couldn’t have heard that right. Daily?!
He repeats himself like he doesn’t think I heard him.
I flip around in the front seat- his wife insisted I sit there- to look at Wife. She nods and co-signs, sorta. “Well, not every day. Last year, I counted and we missed 5 days.”
What?!
Me to Wife: “you had sex. 360 times. In ONE YEAR?”
“No, no, no,” she clarifies. We had sex 360 days out of the year. It was more times than that.”
She’s looking at me like this is the most normal thing in the world. He’s driving along like this conversation isn’t a joke. I wait for someone to laugh. I’m clearly being “Punked.”
But nope. They’re forreal, forreal. This is their normal.
Cousin-brother fills the silence since I am at a loss for words. “Every night, some mornings. But at night she likes to dress up.”
He says that every night, Wife fully does her hair and make-up and slips into lingerie. I turn back around for her to verify this. She nods.
“If we had time we could swing by the house and give you a bag full,” he says. “We have drawers and drawers of it.”
I’m not thinking about it being odd to wear another woman’s undergarments even if they’re clean. I look at his wife. I look at me. She’s maybe a 4. I am a 10, tops.* There’s no way.
She knows what I’m thinking. “I’ve lost 97 pounds. We have some in every size.”
WHAT?
It took her a year and a half to take the weight off. You know how some folk lose weight and start to look bobble-heady. She looks like she’s always been skinny.
I wonder if it’s from all the sex. I can deal with the treadmill to work out, but I’d enjoy the sex more. Maybe there’s something to this sex everyday theory…
She reads my mind. “We work out all the time.”
Ohhhhh!
Cousin-brother pipes in. “All we do is work, work out, and have sex.”
Obviously.
Wife says she knows this all sounds a little off. They’re very open about their sex life- they gave details I’m skipping over- and their friends all have my “really?” reaction.
Cousin- Brother: “And I’m like “really? Ya’ll don’t have sex every day? It’s good! Why not?”
When referring to them as a couple, their friends call them “The Humps”, which I find friggin hilarious.
I inform him that 15 percent of married couples have not had sex in six months, according to a story I read in the NY Times. And surveys say that the average married couple has sex once a week. Under 30 marrieds have it about twice a week.
He swerves. If she was wearing pearls she would clutch them. I laugh.
They know they’re funny and believe their only “slightly” unusual. They think it would be fun to have a reality TV show of the “Family Hustle” and “Chrissy + Mr. Jones” variety.
“Do you think people would be interested in us?” Wife asks as we pull up to the airport.
Oh, she has no clue. They are made for TV.
I suggest they start a blog about their lives to gauge interest. I swear to her it will be an immediate hit.
Check it out: here
About Author
Affectionately known as "Belle”, Demetria L. Lucas is the author of two books— A Belle in Brooklyn and Don't Waste Your Pretty; the creator of the award-winning personal blog ABelleInBrooklyn.com; and the founder of Coached By Belle, a boutique life-coaching service, where Demetria helps clients solve their dating dilemmas and build healthy relationships. Demetria is also a contributing editor for The Root, where she pens two weekly columns, and is a contributing writer for the websites of The Grio, XO Jane, Essence, Clutch, Vibe Vixen and Uptown. She was also the star of Bravo TV's docu-drama series, "Blood Sweat & Heels"
This is awesome. Lol. I love it.
Thanks….We love it too
Thank you much
And I am most definitely trying to get on that workout plan. Go cousin-wife!
Thanks Cuz…but seriously i really did loose 97 pounds. I did start using the gym membership I had been paying for, but I’m sure the extra cardio helped…lol…I’d be happy to help you with a workout plan. I have several coaching clients. Let me know
This is a cute one. I am not mad at them. But i wonder if it’s intercourse 360 days, or just some form of sex. Either way I could see how she lost weight, the idea of having that much sex sounds exhausting. I’m sure it’s great, best of luck to ‘the humps’
To answer your question…it is actual intercourse except for the days it’s my time. I still take care of him with a fantastical blow job. He gets his no matter what.
I love this post. …why not have sex everyday? Especially when your married, waking up to the person you love!!! I would do it in a heart beat, pleasing my man every night would indeed give US a great night sleep. But what I loved the most about the story is the husband said “you never stop dating your wife”. This is exactly why their marriage is still strong. Amen
Thanks for the compliment
I agree with this couple, it’s healthy to have sex everyday and it keeps the relationship alive. I would watch them if they had a show!!
Thanks for the compliment
What’s funny is that while I was watching an episode of “Being Mary Jane” last week and the mom/dad started to have sex, I let out a big sigh and thought to myself the last thing I’d want to be doing in my 60s/70s is sucking dick lol. I think sexual chemistry is HUGE for any relationship to stand the test of time. It’s not enough to ONLY have that sexual attraction because that won’t “save” a relationship, but whenever your cousin looks over at his wife of 22 years and is still visually excited and smitten with her (and she with him) it goes a long way.
Now, on a personal note, I’d love to know about the costumes, role playing, actually doing her hair every night!!! Man… the struggle is so real. In theory it seems great to have my face beat and hair snatched to perfection every night… then I remember that I really don’t have the desire to do that. Maybe I can step it up at least a few more nights a week. They can have the 360 days lol.
Great post. I’ll definitely check out their blog.
Lol…too funny. I actually love dressing up for him every night. I really have more lingerie than clothes.
When I grow up(lol), I want to have a sex life like theirs but one thing I think about is what about when she’s on her cycle, how does that work? I mean I’ve heard of it before but some men AND women choose not to participate in that when that time of the month is involved.
And I’m one of those people. I don’t even want to deal with my vagina during that time. I’m gonna make you deal with it too? No thanks. It can wait. I’ll please you another way.
When it’s that time of the month for me I give a roll your eyes in the back of your head blow job.
Priceless. Taking notes for my future husband. Awesome!
Thanks for the compliment
I am in real live tears….When I was married it was 4 times a week minimum. No if ands, or buts even if I was mad at him…
You’re most certainly right. I love “mad fuckin’”…The orgasm are mind blowing!
That’s a lot of humpin’. They not tired??! I love my hubby, but I couldn’t do it. Especially now that I have an 8 month old and am pregnant again. My libido is in the toilet. Scientifically though, it’s all the working out. Their bodies are producing all those yummy feel good hormones which gets you going.
I know what you mean. I’ve been there, but the one of thing that helped mewhen we had little ones is I kept my babies on a schedule because mom and dad have to have time together otherwise the both of you may get stressed out and overwhelmed being newvl parents. Also, try to eat foods that increase your libido: strawberries with dark chocolate, avocados, fish like salmon…anything that’s healthy for your heart will help increase sex drive.
Thanks! I’ll give them a try.
You’re certainly most welcome
Wait… Are they raising children?
I mean I ain’t mad at ‘em and aspire to be like them but I don’t see how they can mange the daily routine with kids.
Yes, we have 2 boys; 14 8th grader and a 21 year old college kid. And I do mean college kid…he’s still in our pockets. ..lol…I’ve always kept our boys on a schedule. They’re athletes, and athletes need a schedule…especially a bedtime
I just showed this to man I hope to marry and said “see it CAN be done.
Thank you for such an inspiring story. I can truly see myself loving on my husband like this.
Thanks Belle and family!
You’re most welcome, and I hope you guys find love like we have….it’s nothing like being in love, loving it, and still being in
love with each other. I hope you decide to follow our blog.
Curious: what happens when u two are really upset with each other do u still force sex? And also has the constant sex prevented affairs?
Even when we were younger we still had sex when we were upset. ..We call it “mad fuckin ‘ “. …The orgasm are mind blowing. Later we’ll talk about the issue, but we never go to bed angry, and after fuckin like we do we’re more calm to talk. And dso far we haven’t had an issue with affairs. My Big Moma taught me to keep tabs on all the money….keep’em broke and broke down. So, all he has left is conversation, and if a silly bitch wants to listen to him talking then so be it cause he won’t have energy to fuck.
I died laughing as I read this comment from the wife
Are u into other freaky things like swinging or threesomes?
So funny you asked that question. I’m posting that very topic on my next blog post. Follow our blog because I’m very certain you’re going to find the answer extremely interesting.
What is the url for the blog? It seems very interesting.
This had me cracking up! My family is the saaaame way. Good for you Cousin-brother’s Wife losing 97 lbs!
When I was married, it was the same with us. Every day, no matter what. (Unless it was that time, but we’d work around it…) Why not?!
I’ll admit going from ever day (while married) to nada (currently single) has been DIFFICULT. Lol
Aww; I hate your single now. Thanks for the compliment, and I’m glad you enjoyed it. You should follow our blog, too. Thanks Again
I got questions…might help my marriage …As a woman does your body not get tired, raw, out shape how long does the sex last ? Is it vanilla sex or some off the books stuff? Do you work a job? Do you shower after real get ready for bed do you wrap your hair up and wash your face was this something you agreed to as a couple do both of you guys have to orgasm so many questions thank you for sharing motivation as wife maybe I can do it too
No, I don’t ever get tired of sex. I’m in very good shape; I’m a bodybuilder, so I workout a lot. Maybe that’s where I get the energy. Yes, I work…actually 3 jobs. We keep it spicy and hot all the time. It really wasn’t an agreement; we’ve always been like this. Even when we dated. i salways dress up for him at night. I have loads of lingerie. After sex we usually pray and go to bed. We shower again in the morning. Right now I’m wearing braids so i don’t have to worry about my hair. But, I use to ewrap up my hair.
Yeah, no. Nope. Nada! This cousin and his wife seem well matched sexually speaking. That’s GREAT! I couldn’t do it. After 13 years together we’re definitely still sexual but not every day sexual. Neither one of us could keep that pace!
Thank you kindly for the compliment
So…he runs red lights?!? Or is she past that stage in life? #bloodymess
Absolutely not! Red means STOP!
Ms Eva, here’s what I don’t get. If you’re going to do all of that, why does red mean stop? I can understand not going in when things are REALLY messy down there, but you’re saying that he doesn’t get you off when it’s that time. That seems unfair to me.
It’s not unfair for a few reasons. I don’t have a problem with pleasing him during that time frame. I really enjoy doing it for him. Also, that’s the one time a female really shouldn’t engage in actual penetration because it’s our reproductive system’s cleansing time. Many people don’t know that it’s considered sacreligious if your a Christian, and we are. Not to mention, it’s enough going on down there for me, and I don’t need anything extra happening. I’m good with it being that way. We’ve been like that since we’ve been together. Many women don’t, wouldn’t and ain’t going to give pleasure when they can’t receive pleasure. I’m not a selfish lover at all. I feel like just because kitty kat is out of commission, I don’t have to make him go with out it.
OMG! The Humps make for an interesting read! Definitely following…
So, a reality show…
Looks like you will be adding “producer” to your resume and list of accolades!
#MogulUp
#WERK
LOL….I’m glad you’re enjoying us, and maybe there’ll be a reality show or something. I sure could add producer to my accolades…#thx4daluv….#staytuned.
I haven’t read all the comments, but my question is: Do they have sex even when she’s having her menstrual cycle?
Of course, I read up a few posts and see the response from Eva… that’s a hard pill to swallow. But I may consider it…I guess…
No, there’s no vaginal penetration. I take care of him during that time. Check out my blog and you’ll see the other questions, and replies. Thank you for reading our story
I think that is awesome. I too love the sex everyday approach unless I am on my monthly, but then there is BJ’s that comes into play…. Go Family.
When I got married I told my new husband that I needed to have sex every day. Every single day, except for during that time of the month. He shrugged his shoulders and said okay. We did. Until ONE day when I was completely exhausted. He came in late from work and started “tapping” and I slugglishly turned over and said “not tonight, I just need a few hours of sleep.” He kept “tapping” until I sat up and said “baby, you know I am NOT a casual observer.” His reply? “Just let me do everything.” I told him that would mean I would get no rest because I can’t ever just lay there. The next morning, when I woke up, he was REALLY mad at me. He said “you said every night…”. When I went to discuss my “problem” with my friend, she said wait, “every day”. I said “Yes, Several times a day.” She was floored and told me she was lucky if they had sex 3 times a month. 3 times a month? I asked her who else her husband was having sex with. I guess it’s a matter of appetite. I will say that I’m divorced and haven’t had sex in 7 years - I’ve been single and celibate. I don’t know if I would feel that way about another man. He REALLY did it for me. And clearly, I did it for him as well.