Ask Demetria: “I Didn’t Buy Her Kids Dinner. Was I Wrong?”
- belle
- 5 months ago
- featured-post, Newest
- 7 Comments
There’s been a Facebook photo floating around lately in which a man details an odd occurrence on a date:
I have no idea which group was asked this query, and in all my years—10-plus—listening to dating anecdotes from thousands of people and advising or coaching people through various mishaps, I have never heard of anything like this (and I’ve heard horror stories). But alas, and sadly, there is a first time for everything.
I hope the participants in whichever group received this man’s questions gave him the only correct answers, which are, respectively, “Heck no! You weren’t wrong!” and “Heck yeah! She was asking for too much,” now and in any future situation where the guy isn’t living in the house and/or isn’t officially the stepdad of the children in question.
There’s no way around it: This woman was terribly out of line for thinking this man was her family’s meal plan for the evening. And bless this gentleman’s heart, because he must have really liked this lady to continue the date after she asked that question, and even to contemplate whether he was in the wrong when she line-stepped by catching an attitude.
I’m preaching to the choir, though. I saw this query posted in multiple status updates and various other places around the Internet, and the consensus was, “No, ma’am!” in response to the woman’s behavior. That, and an overwhelming curiosity about why the children weren’t fed dinner before Mom stepped out with a new boo.
I’ll be the first to acknowledge that it’s hard to date as a single mother, but every parent—married or not—that I saw a response from in my timeline agreed: There’s no excuse for leaving your kids hungry while you go out for a good time. Furthermore, if the state of your children’s stomachs is of concern, after he said, “No,” why didn’t Mom pay for the dinners so the kids could eat? If she didn’t have the money, why did she stay on the date with an attitude instead of asking to be taken home to whip up some food for her children? There’s so much about this story that doesn’t make sense.
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About Author
Affectionately known as "Belle”, Demetria L. Lucas is the author of two books— A Belle in Brooklyn and Don't Waste Your Pretty; the creator of the award-winning personal blog ABelleInBrooklyn.com; and the founder of Coached By Belle, a boutique life-coaching service, where Demetria helps clients solve their dating dilemmas and build healthy relationships. Demetria is also a contributing editor for The Root, where she pens two weekly columns, and is a contributing writer for the websites of The Grio, XO Jane, Essence, Clutch, Vibe Vixen and Uptown. She was also the star of Bravo TV's docu-drama series, "Blood Sweat & Heels"
If she can’t feed her own kids she shouldn’t be dating period…#Priorities
In the FB group where I originally saw this, the responses were exactly what you’ve posted here. In my greater FB world, though, folks were admonishing those that thought the woman had gone too far with comments like, “You don’t know her life” and “A REAL MAN takes care of his, even if it’s by extension!”
My original comment, before even addressing the questions he’d asked, was, ‘Why is she out on a date if her children haven’t/aren’t being fed?’ This, of course, is not to suggest that, as a single mom, she’d not allowed to date, but this is a very BASIC thing that’s she’s clearly not done. I can see not buying the kids the latest sneakers or gaming console, but she went out to eat a meal and only considered her children after her belly was full. That didn’t sit right with me.
As a single mother I am mortified!! Now what she should have done was order the food and pay for it herself. She’s already getting fed for free!!!
This woman was clearly out of line. This man was not in the wrong to pay for two extra meals that were not present. I would have felt uncomfortable in the situation and probably would have ended the date early as well. The woman should have purchased two kids meals after the date had ended. If she was broke and couldn’t afford the meals, she most likely should be eating on the incline of success instead of eating out and asking this man to “feed” her kids.
I don’t understand why she was on a dinner date while her children were home and they had not eaten yet? Her priorities are way out of wack.
One word - Ratchet!
this made me cackle out loud…really booboo? Im a single mother and I have had a few occassions where I have been offered babysitter money or treats for my child and I have graciously excepted, but ASK…never ever ever. Expecting a man to help take care of another mans children off the break is a big nono and huge problem. Kudos to this brother for standing his ground. Men stop doing things for women that they can not and will not do for themselves…ladies dont expect a man to treat you better than you treat yourself and yours. You will find yourself going to the highest bidder everytime and the price will be much lower than you could imagine.