Ask.FM UPDATE: But #whoisthefather

Last December, I offered readers the resolution to this story, but not the details.

A woman had written in to Ask.FM to say that her husband asked her if he could be the godfather to his ex’s child. It was an ex who had caused problems in their marriage before. The wife didn’t even know they spoke to one another.

That face you just made? Same one she did. Same one I did.

I detailed my exchange with the wife HERE shortly after the story happened.

Something wasn’t right with  this story. Where was the father of this child, and how was he okay with an ex-boyfriend that this woman was all into being tied to their child? And why were the husband and a woman who had caused the problems in the marriage still in touch? And how were they still close enough that she would ask him to damn near be a member of the family?

My first guess? It’s the husband’s kid.

The wife did some snooping, and lo and behold, it was her husband’s baby. What made this situation doubly painful was the wife is unable to have children.

When the wife wrote to me describing how she found out, she was raw and distraught, likely how any one of us would be under the circumstances. I didn’t post her full story because I wanted to give her a chance to ask me not to. Plenty of times people tell me deep, dark stories anonymously, and then come back hours or days later, asking me not to respond (or remove the queries/responses). I usually abide by their wishes.

It’s been a year. ‪This is the part of the story I left out of the first post.

In case you were wondering what started this whole mess here it is. I came home early last week Wednesday. I somehow misplaced my jumpdrive. So I was backtracking trying to retrace my steps. Hubs was online looking at those playpen things. Weird, I thought, but really didn’t pay it no mind. I was there for my missing jumpdrive.

He started acting weird then explaining why he’s online. He goes into a whole sermon about how young Black boys need mentors and role models. That’s when he slipped in the God-dad foolishness. He was really trying to sell me on the idea.

 The more he talked the stranger he sounded. Like, when did this chick come back into the picture? Our last discussion about her was [two years ago]. We had an argument about an inappropriate hug at a mutual friends baby shower. We have since switched phone companies and both have new phone numbers. How was he and this [chick] in contact now? He must have sought her out or something.

Either this man is dumb, doesn’t care, or simply forgot what line of work I’m in. I called in a favor from a friend. Within an hour, I had chick’s phone number & home address. After calling Hubs for the 100th time, I paid her a visit. (Dangerous, I know. Felt I had no choice)

I didn’t want to go this route, but Hubs wasn’t giving me the answers I needed. I roll up there & to my surprise, she lets me in. Take a wild guess who’s all hugged up with the infant?? I didn’t want to act foolish, so I simply say, ” Well, hello love. What in the hell are you doing?”

Him: “Oh, um, I just stopped by to let her know I can’t be the God-dad.” Bullshit! I must have stupid written across my forehead. OMG! Belle it took everything in me not to tear this woman’s house to shreds. I knew right then what I was afraid to ask. But couldn’t. So, I ask, “why, why her?”

Him: “It was a mistake.” I laughed out at his ass not because of his answer. I really don’t know why the hell I laughed. One thing I did know? Ain’t no way I was going to let that [redacted] see me cry. You would think she would have been offended at him calling her a mistake. No, not at all

Her smug ass took the baby and sat in the seat across from him. I told him I would take off my ring and throw it at him, but I have a better idea. I’m pawning this mother-fucker. I left him right there and went home. I put the chain lock on the door.

He broke it [when he came home]. I stood in our bedroom doorway. I told him to leave now or the police will make him. Do you know he slapped the hell out of me and said I better never threaten him again? Girl, why he did that? Honey, I went ape shit on him I don’t know this guy at all

My marriage was supposed to be my place of solace, not a source of grief. I made sure I was a good wife to him. I cook, I clean, I do every freaky nasty thing in the bedroom that he requested. So why wasn’t it enough? I work hard as hell! Yet, I still managed to be a wife to him

No matter how many hoops I’ve jumped through, or how many stars I’ve pulled from the sky, I somehow failed. This bitch has done what I could never do in 8 years: give my Hubs a baby. I can’t compete with that.

My response?

Hit me up.

She contacted me the following day. She wasn’t up for coaching or advice, but she did want to share her story and wanted me to listen.

I’m writing to thank you for allowing me to cry on your cyber shoulder. Believe me when I say it has been a rough 24 hours. I’ve never experienced pain of this magnitude and I wouldn’t wish this upon my worst enemy. No one deserves to feel the way I’m feeling right now.

I feel as if my whole marriage has been a joke. Working as a [redacted], I’ve witnessed the demise of a lot of marriages. I’ve worked with a plethora of lawyers and  private investigators, so I know to some extent the  devastating effects of a cheating spouse. Never in a million years, would I’ve imagine my husband would be one of those cheaters.

You hear stories and you think that will never be me. I’ve searched every part of my brain and honestly I’m bewildered as to how I didn’t see this coming. My heart is completely shattered. My face is bruised. My self-esteem at the moment is nonexistent. I don’t know where or how to start the process of moving forward. I’m hurting like a bitch.

I’m usually very successful at achieving the goals I’ve set for myself. Oh, boy how I’ve failed with this one though. I thought my marriage was bulletproof. My solace. Is it me? Was I not holding up my end of this marriage?

Maybe it was the long hours of work. Or the traveling. I thought I struck a balance, I made it a priority to see to it that my man is taken care of. I was his superwoman. Working 13 and 14 hours a day, I still managed to cook his favorite meals, call him throughout the day, sex him crazy, and iron his clothing the way he likes it. I’m lost. What was it he was lacking? What wasn’t I doing that my man felt the need to stick his dick in another [redacted]?

Maybe it was just me. A man wants a whole woman, someone that can give him a namesake. Belle, it hurts to even breathe. I’m having a hard time even putting together halfway decent sentences to email you.  

My  P.I. friend tells me that this chick had a man she was living with. He’s in the army. He was deployed 4 months ago. It’s unclear if he knows about her and my Hubs.

Speaking of Hubs he  left me a hand written note on my windshield this morning. He wants to talk. That’s rich, isn’t it? He says, “I know I’ve hurt you. I’m willing to do what ever it takes to rectify this not so pleasant situation.” Oh, I should add he was even nice enough to say “Take as much time you need.  When you’re ready to talk I will be at my mother’s.”

Ha! What a guy right?  As if there anything left to talk about.

I told her she could email me whenever she wanted. She followed up a few days later. She wanted me to know she’d talked to some of her PI friends again…

I’m holding in my hands a manila folder. In this folder is an address, the address to where [the mother of my husband’s child’s] beau is stationed.  I have the tools to crush her, to make her feel the same misery I’m feeling.

To be continued…