Ask Mommy

So Jay-Z makes the cover of LIFE magazine with the subheading “World’s Biggest Rap Star.” Hmm. He’s huge. He’s brilliant. No doubt. But world’s biggest? I look up the demographics for LIFE and it seems that Mommy, with the exception of being black, fits it pretty well. College educated, her household makes over 60K, she’s two years above the age of the average predominately female readership. She raised a Jay-Z enthusiast, who bumped his albums in her house and cars for at least six summers. I figure if he’s the world’s biggest rap star, Mommy must know about him.

me: mommy, who’s jay-z?
mommy: singer/rapper.
me: can you name a song?
her: no.
me: who’s Jay-Zs girlfriend?
her: beyonce
me: can you name a song?
her: the one where she shakes, shakes, shakes

Hmmm. Seems Mommy doesn’t know very much about the World’s Biggest Rapper. Let’s see what Mommy knows about other popular rappers.

me: mommy, who’s snoop?
her: rapper with braids

me: mommy, who’s 50 cent?
her: (looks at me like i’m stupid) he’s a rapper.
me: can you name a song.
her: no, but he got shot 9 times.

me: mommy, who’s Eminem?
her: the white boy.

me: mommy, can you name a rap song?
her: no, not off the top of my head…

(five minutes later)
Her: yes, i can. (very proud) R. Kelly.
me: R. Kelly. hmm. Can you name a song?
her: step to the left. step to the right. he’s a great artist. he writes for a lot of people
me: know anything else about R. Kelly?
her: he does indecent things with children.

mommy: hey, what am I being interviewed for?
me: Jay-Z made the cover of Life mag-
her: what? LIFE? why?

(five minutes later)
me: hey, mommy. who do you think is the world’s biggest rapper?
her: snoop or 50 Cent.
me: are you saying that cause i just asked about them?
her: no (with attitude). cause i actually know who they are.
me: can you identify 50 Cent in a photo?
her: no.
me: can you ID Snoop?
her: yes. he has braids and dresses like a pimp. he’s been in movies and on talk shows.
me: can you ID Jay-Z?
her: (thinks for a few seconds).. i keep picturing the little guy Janet’s engaged too. no, i don’t remember what Jay-Z looks like. i just remember seeing [Jermaine Dupri] and thinking, ‘Janet could do better than that.’

me: hey mommy, who’s kanye west?
her: the guy who says bush doesn’t like black people. he’s very successful and a good writer.
me: do you know any kanye songs?
her: no. he wrote a song for his mom though.
me: really? how do you know that?
her: he was on oprah.

me: mommy, who’s notorious BIG?
her: he was killed. big guy. he was killed in vegas or new york.
me: really?
her: it was new york. the other guy got killed in vegas

me: mommy, who’s tupac?
her: that’s the guy that got killed in vegas. it was a drive by.
me: what else do you know about him?
her: his mom manages his affairs now. she keeps the estate together.
me: anything else?
her: he makes more money dead than he did alive.

edit: after this chat, I tell Mommy who everyone is and why they are relevant. She nods, but I’m not sure she cares or retains what i say. 2 hours later, Mommy asks me, “[Amelda] who sings, ‘It’s Your Birthday?” I tell her. She’s suprised.

Her: I thought he was a thug.
Me: He isn’t?
Her: {confused look} Thugs make birthday music? You said he wears a bulletproof vest.
Me: He does.
Her: {another confused look} To sing birthday songs?
Me: {laughing hysterically} Mommy, can you sing the song?
Her: Yes. {she sings the entire chorus, including “go shorty” and “gonna sip Bacardi like it’s my berfday.” }
Me: Mommy, how do you know that song?
Her: {looks at me like I’m stupid}They play it at birthday parties. (all of her friends are 50+)