Ask Demetria: My GF Lied About Being Raped

If you read Ask. FM, you know that the majority of questions — 85 percent unscientifically— are from women. But the guys do show up occasionally, and when they do? Doozies. And often they have to get lawyers.

This series of questions came thru while I was vacationing with friends in Montreal in May.  I swore I was going to stay off Ask. FM and enjoy Canada, but this story was riveting, and tragic. Lying abut rape is, of course, reprehensible for many obvious reasons. But a false accusation can affect more than than accused.

Dear Demetria:

What’s Good, Belle? Me and my girl have been a follower of yours for sometime now. Never in my wildest dream would I think I would need to holler at you too. But I am.

Monday we went to a cookout. I made a run to the store for some Dutches and pineapple juice. I got back to the house and I notice my girl was no where to be found. I asked around and someone said she went to the bathroom. On my way there, a guy was coming out a bedroom. Seconds later, so was my girl!

I’m going off on her. She breaks down and says the guy was trying to rape her. I go outside to find him and I end up beating the [n-word] almost unconscious.

We hop in the car for home. I’ve been getting calls from friends saying that the police are looking for me. I’ve never been in trouble with the law. I told my girl that I’m turning myself in in the morning and I need her to help explain what really happened.

She breaks down again and ‪tells me she can’t do that or she will get in trouble too. She told me she lied because she knew it looked bad her coming out of the room, and all they were doing was talking.

Belle, I fucked up and it’s bad I just may have messed up my life behind a lying no good [redacted]. I asked my day1 about dude status. He said I broke dude collar bone and 3 ribs. Belle please speak life into me cause I’m scared and don’t know what I should do next. I thought I was defending and protecting my girl. Turns out she a lying cheating [redacted].

Read the whole thing.

‪No sh-. This is major and you need a lawyer before you go/ talk to the police. And I know you’re pissed, but you need to be decent enough to homegirl that she will tell the real story.

‪No one goes to a bedroom to talk at a party. You know this. I know this. But that’s beside the point.

Lawyer. Now. If you’re in NYC, email me. I know a great criminal defense one.

I looked on yellow page.com and found someone. He wants $2,500 up front. I’m going to borrow and take some stuff to the pawn shop. I haven’t shed eye water since I was a teen. I feel so hurt and fucked up over this. Why couldn’t she just be honest?

I’m on my way to the police station. The lawyer says I’m looking at a battery charge that can carry a 18 month up to a 5 years sentence. I have small children 8 and 5. I can’t be away from my boys that long. My parents and my boys’ mother are willing to help me with legal fees.

Thank you for your input and being a listening ear. I thought I was doing the right thing. In your opinion was I wrong to handle it the way I did. Ain’t men suppose to defend his woman’s honor? Being that it will be a while before I get the chance to write I just want to again say thank you

There’s what’s culturally acceptable and what’s legal. Culturally? Yeah. Legally? You were supposed to call the cops. A decent lawyer can get you probation if you don’t have a previous record. If your ex, I assume, says she lied, you have a much better shot either way.

‪Take care if yourself, man. And keep us posted.

His last question was 7 months ago. He went to turn himself in and I never heard from him again.